Feeling like crap

...So I blog

I am now in a very weird position now
where one of my friend who supposed to be my good friend make me feel avoidance, I really don't know if I am the one being sensitive or it is really happening
anyway
I learned not to care so much......which i still do
shit.....

on the other hand
everyone keep posting stuff about going oversea or getting how many offer letters really make me depress man......
for me......too much ok
just apply for 2 or 3 but not all in the list ok.....you took other place where you are not even sure that you want to go
As I said I don't really want to go oversea....financial and physical really make me worry whether I can survive or not
but my parent is so exciting about it
haiz

and
my bf
fight in valentine day was.........weird
the reason I used weird is because.....too many mixed feeling and i really can't find the right word to describe
of course this time actually much better
We started to laugh and everything just fine after the laugh
last time
we will never laugh
so......improvement
but not enough.......
sometime when I look back to the love letter or even his blog and compared to the now him
I really wonder if I am dating the same person
how could a person who used to be so deeply in love with me could just.....screw me up
I don't know
I guess we all got some issues
it just that different timing I guess

You see
when same problem appeared and I can't even predict what we will do and say
I really don't know how much I can do......
it like
looking at the road that you can't see the end....
I keep wondering when this no ending road will end
of course I hope it end in good way
but when he could easily want to break up just make me......feel bad
I guess that's what he felt last time.

too many people give the same advice
the truth is I don't even know what am I doing or what am I hoping....miracle I guess

right now
I am emo........damn emo
more like I been emo for the past few one week

ok......I don't even know what I am writing now but.....who cares
this is my blog
and no one read it.....
so dear.....stop telling you don't know how to change, you will if you want to
so stop doing this to me because I love you and I still believe that you love.....

ok
off now.......

happy valentine day dear


without wax
chloe